Welcome to the dark side!

By Hand On The Hip - 2/06/2018

Hi guys!

Have you ever wondered what kind of a person you are and you'd like to be? Are you usually alone in a library or a social butterfly? Do you like spending your evenings in loud bars or would you rather be home Netflixing and chilling? It's a task to figure yourself out and it's ever worse when you have to try and figure another person out. We all have our own flaws and understanding it when it isn't too late can help you go a long way. Anyway, the reason I am making you guys think about your personality is because I have had some time for myself and wanted to share some insights.

As a child, I have always disliked social gatherings. I would hate being dragged to family functions and official outings that my parents were obliged to go to. In fact I would always hide behind my mum's pallu and shy away from strangers, wait..."shy away" is an understatement, I'd actually howl with irritation and intimidation every time someone tried talking to me. I had some kind of a people phobia. But unfortunately no one seemed to understand that.

My mum has always tried to help me overcome my fear. She'd encourage me to participate in any contest that would involve performing on stage. I can't even count the number of times I have been made to give a speech to 400 odd students and 20 ish teachers. I still tremble like a maniac if I am asked to speak in front of a crowd. But what's astonishing is that no one could really tell. I would always be worried about what people would think if I acted in particular way or said something weird. I would even be too shy to go to a store and ask for something. I was almost like Raj from The Big Bang Theory. The fact that I was always forcing myself to seem normal never let anyone figure out how terrified I was of talking to strangers.

When I went college, I was way better than what I was back in school. I made a couple of good friends and liquid courage always helped me make more :D But more importantly, I felt more confident. I still did try to put myself in situations where I had to make conversations with new faces. I aced them at times and there were times where I'd feel like I'd rather just lock myself up in a room and not talk to anyone. I had no idea why I was such a people's person, yet I had so much trouble even waving at someone I knew. There have been times I have chosen to just spend the night in bed on a Friday night than go out because I'd fear that I'd have to make conversations!

Why was I born like this? Why can't I be more like one of those peeps who can approach anyone without any inhibitions? After spending some time psycho-analysing myself I have come to a conclusion that like most people, I may have been suffering from social anxiety. My sub-conscious mind always ends up putting in that extra effort to talk to people and that ends up overshadowing my real personality. My friends would still not believe this for sure, but only I know the struggles I have been through or still go through at times. And I guess it's okay to be this way.

There was a time in my career where I even considered taking up sales as my core profession and guess what? I failed at it, big time! My boss always said, "fake it till you make it" and somehow, I could never gather the balls to sell to strangers. That's when it hit me. Why try to force myself to become someone I am not? I mean, yeah, I obviously did have to figure out a way to not be a loner and I was partially successful at that. But why was I pushing myself to an extent that I'd just break? Now you might think that I must be struggling to socialise at events I go to as a blogger. And yes, I absolutely do. But trust me, it has helped me so much! From fellow bloggers to brand owners to photographers, I have mastered the art of being able to speak to anyone. I still have my moments where I completely zone out, but I am no longer that person that hides behind a shadow. I try to get better every day and hope to become a shameless chatterbox some day. But if I don't, it's still okay.

For those of you who have social anxiety just like me, don't worry. You are not alone. Keep working on yourself and some day you will succeed.

Hand On The Hip

Outfit: Top from a street store in BTM Layout, Denims from Kraus, Boots from Steve Madden
Photography: PixelShooter

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